It's The CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000. Order now.

Hey anybody can do a GOOD holiday gift list, but what about the BAD geocachers out there?

Read on...

It’s the CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000.

Just in time for the Holidays and brought to you by the same disgruntled elves that created the Double-Hangover-Flingy-Doo. We give you this season’s greatest GPS gadget the CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000.

This is the gift giving present every geocacher is going to want under their tree. Just look at these amazing features:

Ultra Sensitive Digital Compass – which automatically points to the nearest face level spider web or impenetrable briar patch.

Extra Long Lasting Battery Lifespan – guaranteed to work right up to the point where you either are 75 feet from a cache or half of a mile out into the woods.

Super Clear Audio Alert System – It won’t play your favorite MP3 tracks but it is loud as all get out when it belts out “Flight of the Bumblebee” any time you are near a muggle prown geocache.

Moisture Activated Notification - Never worry about getting your CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000 wet. The MAN automatically jolts the user with a tazer force bolt of electricity whenever directly above any water source.

Secure Anti Theft Functions – Don’t worry about ever having your CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000 getting stolen. Simply place it on the ground and a cloaking shield envelopes the GPS with invisibility and then randomly moves up to 45 feet in any direction.

So order now while we still have the amazing CRINKLESCHNOTZ 5000 in stock. They are going fast.

Dial 1-800-353-8447 that’s 1-800-ELF-THIS.
Do it now.

All offers are final and price is adjustable to whatever the hell we feel like asking for at the time of the order… Don’t like it? Elf This!